I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
