I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
