i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
