Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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