Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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