he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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