I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
