She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
