i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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