Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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