It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
