We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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