My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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