I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
