No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
