I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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