I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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