so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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