he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
