i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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