epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
