hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
