between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
