Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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