He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
