Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
