Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize