I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I didn't shave. On purpose
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
