my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
