You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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