Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
