im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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