the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
