just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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