i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
