Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
