My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize