I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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