batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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