Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
