I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
