there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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