I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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