Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
