me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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