yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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