I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
