Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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