There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
