He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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