Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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