my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
