I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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