Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
