the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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