If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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