he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
