Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
