I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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