Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize