Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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