sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
