i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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