i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
