I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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