I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
