Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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