We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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