I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize